Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
