I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
