He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
