There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
