You're so nebulous sometimes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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