Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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