Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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