Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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