Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
