This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
