Please, let me fuck your mom
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
