Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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