My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
