Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
