You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were trust falling into bushes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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