Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
