In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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