it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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