Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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