I take back everything I said about communal showers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
