God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
