i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
