Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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