Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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