at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
