he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
