Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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