what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
