even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
