thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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