They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you didnt know i had herpes?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Every concussion has its silver lining
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
