do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
