Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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