Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
