I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
