I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
