and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
