oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
