I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
