She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
