VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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