I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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