Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
