Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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