just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
