she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
