'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
