Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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