Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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