I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize