Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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