he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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