I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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