It's Friday. Sex?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
