Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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