You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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