I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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