I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
