haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
