sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
