I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
