booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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