yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
