Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
